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Erotica and Porn in Sex Play

Erotica and Porn in Sex Play

Pornography usage as you may be aware has become quite controversial. Erotica is also a controversial area of interest.  You may have even considered whether you should use these things to enhance your sex life?  It’s important to be mindful of a few things before you set about introducing these things into your love life.  I make the distinction between erotica and porn as follows: Erotica implies and describes a sexual act whilst pornography is a specific and actual sex-related act.  I would like to initially make it clear that this article does not take a position on the benefits or negative aspects of pornography use. This aim is to outline a range of strategies you can utilise in discussing the use of pornography and/or erotica during sex play with your partner.

Pornography is Purely Fantasy

Pornography is not real: it is fantasy. As with watching a great Hollywood action flick, porn is designed to activate the imagination and of course your pleasure centers.  After watching the X-Men you aren’t going to try and save the planet so too you shouldn’t expect to be able to replicate the sex scenes of a porn clip.

Pornography in the form of a movie contains explicit sexual content. It has actors, camera operators, directors, producers, lighting people – What you see are actors playing out sexual manoeuvres that are choreographed and scripted. Pornography is usually filmed in segments and edited together to create the “storyline”. It is therefore definitely not a good idea to use pornography for educational purposes. 

So remember: Porn is a fantasy; it is not real.

Who Watches Porn?

According to the Australian Study of Health and Relationships 63% of men and 20% of women looked at pornography with 31% of men and 9% of women reporting they had watched an x-rated movie.

So remember: It is common; but not that common that “everyone is doing it”.

Porn is Not for Everybody

So about two-thirds of men and one-fifth of women have watched porn. People’s attitudes and beliefs also affect their desire to watch porn. Looking at the recent data from the Australian Study in Health and Relationships, around 42% of men and 49% of women believed pornography was degrading to the women in it (vs. 42% of men and 30% of women who disagreed with the statement); and 30% of men and 37% of women thought pornography degraded the men in it it (vs. 54% of men and 42% of women who did not support the idea).

So remember: Pornography is not everyone’s cup of tea; some people find it degrading.

Can Pornography Help a Relationship?

This is the contentious question. For some people yes; for other people no. It really depends on people’s beliefs and attitudes toward pornography. When the Australian population was surveyed, 66% of men and 54% of women who thought pornography could improve sexual relations among adults. Pornography is not a substitute for good sexuality education, but it can add a little spice to the sexual relationship but only if both partners are on the same page.

How to Introduce Porn into your Relationship

For pornography to enhance you and your partners sex life it firstly must not be threatening to either partner. Pornography can actually provide a platform to talk about sex and sexuality with your partner. Let’s face it there are giggles and fun to be had just watching the poor acting and unrealistic scenarios. Pornography can also be a vehicle to start talking about your sexual fantasies.

Pornography can in some instances feel threatening to some people.  Some women worry about whether they look like the porn actors on the screen; or that they should be able to do what the actors are doing. These actors are employed because they do what they do and they look how they look. Some men worry about that their penis is not as big as those on the porn actors; or they cannot last as long as the porn actor. Again it is a movie; not real life. Men are selected for their penis size and do not represent the majority of the male species.  The old saying is true its not how big it is it’s how you use it that matters.

So remember pornography is actors portraying a fantasy; telling a story. It is a created medium like any other film. The sex therefore is not real. Please do proceed with caution if even you attempt to re-create a porn scene.

Get Your Thoughts Organised

Spend some time preparing your thoughts on the topic. What is it you are asking of your partner? What is it you are proposing to do? Why do you want to do it?

Use your Good Communication Skills

Good communication is the key to a successful relationship; and the key to discussing pornography. Be prepared for your partner to raise issues and concerns. Listen and reflect or paraphrase to demonstrate good active listening. Be open to all ideas. Avoid judging your partner.

So Agrees to Watch Porn – Now What?

  • Set the ground rules – Discuss the limits; or potential no-go areas. Part of this process is working out your boundaries. How will one person communicate that they want to stop watching, while respecting the other person’s interest?
  • Set the mood – you both need to be comfortable – emotionally and physically. Grab the laptop or tablet and sit some together in a comfortable place.
  • Explore together – there are many free websites which provide homemade and ethical commercial porn clips to watch. Discuss what you might like to watch, and what your approach to selecting a site will be. There are ethical pornographers, many of them women. Find a website and look at some of the categories of pornography. Talk about them and your thoughts about them.
  • Watch together –  Watch the pornography together. For first-timers and recent-adoptees I recommend not one person watch porn while the other performs a sexual act. Pornography is about fostering togetherness.
  • Have fun – Remember it is about having healthy fun.

It’s not about Right or Wrong

If you have chosen pornography that is ethical and of interest to both you and your partner then there is no right or wrong about exploring it together. It is simply about likes and dislikes. Partners need to be able to respect differences. Aperson who does not wish to watch porn is no more wrong or right than the person who does wish to watch porn. Everybody if different.

In conclusion and with respect to the above points, pornography can be good for your relationship when approached in a healthy and respectful way. Pornography is not real and is not a substitute for sexual education. A healthy relationship has a healthy sexuality. A healthy sexuality is based on healthy actions and behaviours. Explore together, have fun and communicate.

Related Articles: Does Porn Shrink Your Brain, Can Women Be Addicted to Porn


For any questions about this article, please email us at info@loveintel.com

 

 

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