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Let’s Talk about Sex

Let’s Talk about Sex

Research has found that couples who talk about sex report experiencing more satisfying sexual encounters with their partners. It is apparent that when you share your sexual dreams—what you’ve always wanted, wished for, and fantasised about—you add a dimension of passion and satisfaction that is not only incredibly valuable, but seems to be an absolute necessity for sustaining sexual pleasure in many relationships.

It may seem obvious but sex talk, when used appropriately, gets us:

  • What we want
  • When we want it
  • How we want it

The sexual act and our feelings of sexuality involve a multiplicity of behaviours and desires. We are incredibly diverse and complicated, with various levels of passion, degrees of tension, and mysteries created about our sexuality. Therefore, when questions are asked about our sexual behaviours, our responses are diverse and complicated as well.

So why don’t couples talk about their sexual desires, preferences or fantasies?

Because of our limited understanding of our sexuality, because of our attitudes and belief systems, we’ve constructed pathways of safe areas. Too often these safe pathways are so limited that our sexual behaviours become boring and ordinary.

The culprits are numerous: our background, our religion, our culture, and even our own feelings of inadequacy or low self-esteem. We have a medley of judgments, criticisms, fears, and inhibitions that have caused us to build barriers to certain behaviours. Because of our reticence to set ourselves free from the bondage of judgments and inhibitions, we restrict ourselves from certain potentially satisfying and passionate sexual behaviours, although they may be the answer to more satisfying sex with our partner.

2 Types of Sexual Pleasure

We can say that there are two types or categories of sexual pleasure. The first category is the sexual experience that most of us have, most of the time. We kiss and hug, we penetrate and suck, we touch and love, and of course we enjoy every moment.

The second category is similar, with the added pleasure of imagination and newness, adventure and exploration; it is a journey into the unknown, the dream, the fantasy. The intensity of the experience is enhanced because it is your fantasy, your dream, your hope. It is fraught with anticipation and illusion. It is a fulfilment of what had previously been merely a mirage.

Because of our need to enhance and perpetuate our passion, we need to acknowledge that:

All of the sexual experiences that pleasure our bodies pale in comparison to the ecstasy we can reach if we pleasure our bodies and our minds more completely and elaborately by using our fantasies and imagination.


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